she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
