I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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