you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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