guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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