he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
