I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
