I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
