I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
