Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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