If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize