i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
