if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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