He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she woke up with a sticky ear
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
