i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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