I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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