he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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