just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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