I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
