I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
