I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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