im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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