it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
