he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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