Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
