This house was built for laser tag.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
