you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Enjoy the penises
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
