I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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