just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
