Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
