Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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