Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
should my penis look like a turkey
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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