3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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