You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
