i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is the high leading the old right now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
