wanna go halves on a baby?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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