I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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