Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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