all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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