Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
