Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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