Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
