I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
a search helicopter?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
