Rock
Scissors
Fuck
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
...so i touched it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
