Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im holly from the hills drunk
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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