My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize