It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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