also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
