This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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