Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
