he wants to bone in the snuggie
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There's even glitter on my cock...
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