I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i can't believe i had my finger in that
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize