you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
