you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
