How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He shit in the fireplace
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
