I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
