i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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