Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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