sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize