The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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