Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
