Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
