I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize