Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
