i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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