proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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