Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize