I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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