my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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