My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize