she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
