i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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