I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
