it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
