If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize