oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
