Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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