how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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