Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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