dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
