Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
