my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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