is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
