You can't motorboat a personality
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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