I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
