Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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