Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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